Was my last journal entry here really in January 2013?! Whaaat. And yet, I still don't need to change my "eating" and "drinking" mood status things ahah.
I remember way back when I used to spend almost every waking hour on DA, checking my messages and people's deviations - and now I barely come here... the twin demons of Twitter and Facebook have taken all my idle time and are where I say all the stuff I ever feel the need to say online... and then Tumblr has pulled me into a world of passive scrolling, giving little to no feedback to other people's artwork... and then I also have a full-time job that leaves me with little time or energy to do even those things, let alone draw or, y'know, feed and bathe myself (5 days counting, still unshowered XD I'm not joking though, I get two hours time at home before I have to go to sleep in order to be awake. With hair this long and thick, a shower takes a good hour from stepping in to being dry and ready. Sigh.). Like, I'm being asked if I can sort out my Etsy so peeps can buy prints and jewellery off me... I don't even have time for that. And if I got that up and running, I don't have time to post anything to people! I leave for work before the post office opens and get home after it shuts! - In short, it's really really hard to even have a life online right now, even pulling 140 letters into a sentence to Tweet is an effort sometimes, let alone digging into the meat-and-veg dish that is DA.
So... I'm sorry. I'm trying my best. Not only to be more active, but to change my situation so that I can have more time for the things I love. I'm learning to drive so that my commute isn't so awful, and I may try for a new job soon, one that isn't so exhausting hopefully... I've been on DA 11 years - 11! That's a huge swathe of my life and I really don't want to just abandon it because this place did so much to bolster my own confidence in my art. I WANT to give back to the community. I'm practically a senior citizen here! A wise elder~ or something ahah~
I made myself a phone app (well, a tile on my phone that links to the very mobile-friendly DA website) so that when I'm on a bus or on my lunch or can't sleep, I can be checking things out here rather than snortlaughing at another useless Buzzfeed list someone's posted on FB... Hopefully it'll help me get over this sort of phobia I have of just interacting with people - it's alright when I'm just making statuses to friends on FB, but when I get into more "open" spaces online I get really nervous... Or if I get messages directly from people I kinda freak out and find it really hard to reply, no matter how friendly and lovely they are. It's like an online social anxiety (I'm far better in person, as anyone who's seen me at a convention can attest!). I'd really like to get over that because I feel like it must be making me look so rude and standoffish when I'm really not. I'm just whimpering behind my keyboard, scared I'll say the wrong thing and or some across as a fool, and would rather run off to do something more comfortable like scroll Tumblr instead of typing out a reply and hitting send. I've done a lot of work to curb my anxiety-fuelled avoidant behaviours in the real world (I'm basically a fully-functioning adult human now, not the reclusive shut-in I was for nearly five years), but online I'm still keeping to my safe spaces where no one can disturb me... but I want to be out.
I'm feeling so good and happy about the few bits of art I am producing and as I said up there, I'm practically an internet elder... I know I lot of stuff about making art, and using different programs and materials. Even if I can't be drawing, I can at least start making tutorials again - they're probably my favourite thing actually! I love sharing my techniques! I'm not someone who worries about a trick being "stolen" from me - It just really makes me happy that I may of helped some peeps take a new step in their artistic journey with my older tutorials (many of them often still get comments/faves, after all these years)... I know when I was starting out other people's tutorials helped me SO MUCH. I wanna help others as I was helped in the past.
But first, I need to get stronger, punch my anxiety in the face, and feel comfortable being a member of a community again. So hello. Thank you so much for coming here, watching me, leaving comments, looking at my art, and reading my jabberings... whether you did it back in 2003, just last week, or even today. I hope to give you more to look at and comment on and read and fave, and I hope to also look, comment, read and fave in return to a community, and friends, who've supported me for a heckuva long time. Let's do this!